larousse justinomique

yankees with southern accents

2004-11-29T14:23:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when I stare
hard enough to pierce walls
I can see
my future.

Throwing dice
and drinking scotch
sometimes
can be just enough

I turned to my friend
and asked
why are they so big
but not big enough

He said jim
it because theyll
never know
what we know

and the hits keep on comin'

2004-11-14T13:33:00.000-08:00

With friends like these, who needs sugar daddies.

Ill post the info to my fledgling cellar tonite, but for now all I can say is thank you.

berfday, tirthday is my birthday

2004-11-14T07:56:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to Me.
Happy Birthday to Me.
Happy Birthday Dear Justin.
Happy Birthday to Me.

and many more.....

(thanks to BBlack & DButas for making me smile, and most importantly to cwapface{youre the best})

Time to rest

2004-11-03T03:43:00.000-08:00

Good job John, I was pulling for you. Im sorry it had to go this way.

As far as America is concerned, well dont be surprised when your sons and daughters are drafted, and thousands of lives are lost in countries like Iran and Syria. Also, Im afraid you cant get angry when your pockets are empty this christmas, and your cars are running on fumes. I can also tell you, that your going to have to bite your tongue when Ashcroft replaces the constitution with a copy of the bible. If you had doubts about Kerry, just wait until 2005 when the pantry is empty, and all of the jobs are taken.

Ohio, well just sit back and watch, things are about ready to get very interesting for you. I can almost promise that a record number of plants and factories will be shut down statewide. Jobs will be lost, and houses will be repossesed while you are praying to gods of washington. The future of your state may look bleak, but I ask you to hold out hope, the president hasnt completely destroyed unemplyoment yet. Your gauranteed at least eighteen months of riding it out on your couch, falling into a state of depression, gaining weight and losing all self-respect.

America, Im sorry to say, but I am ashamed of you.

11/02/2002 9:54a.m. (where were you?)

2004-11-02T09:36:00.000-08:00

I remember where I was... holding my fathers hand, telling him it was going to be okay. An hour later I was buying a scratch ticket and a six pack of bud light at a grocery store in Grandview, MO., after winning $50 and downing three beers, I headed in to the city.

Two years later Im reading an article about two men, rushing across the country, pushing themselves to the limit. I was reading about how 20 hour days are not uncommon in these last few weeks, and how Nov.2 is more of a relief than anything else. I imagined both men heading home, forcing a midday meal down, and sleeping the daylight away. I thought about their dreams, where none of this was real, and they were just little boys dreaming of being men. And then they would wake in the middle of the night, with the lights off and curtains drawn, wishing they had never gone down this road.

After writing off one of my closest friends, and having a few more drinks, I went home and slept. When I woke, it was dark and the hallway light was on, I can remember wanting to cry but not knowing how. By the end of the day, I was sitting across a dining room table from an uncle I barely knew. He was on his 13th or 14th beer by then, and was simutaneously explaining the worth of a good man and rifle safety, while clutching the action on a S&W 7mm. I genuinely remember thinking "I wish it were yesterday".

bert the turtle

2004-10-30T23:53:00.000-07:00

Im off to the land of hot middle-aged women (also the land of club soda unbridled and where the blood runneth orange)

2004-10-15T01:11:00.000-07:00

Six weeks from now, Ill be carefully wiping grits and yams from the corner of my mouth, while my future in-laws tell me how hard it is to plan for your future these days. Ill be grilled on whether or not I have the stuff to raise two suburban kids with biblical names, and still have enough energy to root the volunteers to victory every saturday. I can hardly wait.

But whats more important, is that for the first time in my life, I have self realization. I know, with all of the bullshit thats flooding my life now, that all of this will be an after-thought while I tell Bs parents that I wouldnt be so against converting to catholocism. So its really not that hard to keep my eye on the ball and go for it. After sitting down and have a couple of Odouls with one of my most focused friends last night(dont worry, I had a couple cold ones to start with. If I give up drinkin', well look to skies all you chicken littles), and he gave me hope. Hes riding out a tough job, acing tests in one of the most challenging academic programs in his field, making the pentagon happy and maintaining good relations with difficult friends, all to the tune of Here Comes the Bride. Then theres Range Life, how the fuck did he manage to rope it all up? Take a guy whos more in touch with pop-culture than it is with itself, and throw him smack dab in the geographical center of the country(which more often than not, is the geographical cultural black hole of the world) and watch him start a record label, that has all of the promise of Drag City.
So it seems to me, that whats happening now will all be over in six months, when the antagonists of this story keep spinning their wheels and Im movin' on.

And while it may not be home, Memphis certainly is the closest thing to it, its the only other place on Earth where Betsy is comfortable. If shes happy, so am I.

ready or not, here I come.

2004-10-14T01:15:00.000-07:00

Well, it seems in the wake of recent events I have some new people visiting my site. First of all, let me say "hello", second of all, kudos for finally finding me, and third let me say that I can see what time you visit, how long you were on, and exactly where youre comin' from. A little creepy, isnt it. I can also see that some of you have searched for my email address, in fact I can see what ever you search about me, and when you did that. Now, theres a couple of you that are well aware of this, in fact theres one person who taught me all about it (btw your eyes looked gorgeous last night old peculiar,the deep crimson went well with your 5oclock shadow) . So if youre bein' sneaky and lookin' around for something to use against me...good luck.

I will be updating this site(and my others{catch me if you can}) sometime this weekend, Im going to try and do a complete overhaul. Ideally Ill have a public forum somewhere in there: Edisgruntledwaiter or Etakethisjobandshoveit or EfuckoffandletmelivemylifebecauseforthefirsttimeinDCImhappywithmyjob.com

PS If you rock & roll very well, this message isnt for you.

Holy Fucking Shit or The day that never ended or Come on fghqdads

2004-10-07T08:31:00.000-07:00

Unbelievable, just as things were starting to fall back into place, someone comes in and does the bull in a china shop act.

range life

2004-09-23T09:35:00.000-07:00

The white flag is gone up. Ive dedicated my heart and soul to this crusade and have nothing to show for it. I can make a brasseola and I always be sure that Senator Lieberman and Tom Ridge will have their fish forks, but Im done. All it took was one mean little redhead and a fistful of amateurs trying to walk the walk. Transients looking sideways because I really knew what went into the soup, and all they knew was how to bullshit their way through a 2000 beaujolis. While I was paying my dues, everyone else was paying their rent. All in all, its always going to be the dorks that run the game.

I started at the bottom, then I worked my way to the top and now Im trapped inside of this sentence.

(edit: Something I didnt mention, in fact the inspiration for the title of this particular blog, was how the only glimmer in my otherwise crappy life, was that one of my ol' b-buds was about to finally realize one of his biggest dreams....RangeLife Records. If he could settle down, then he would settle down. Congrats Z..)

Out of the frying pan and into the alligator

2004-09-15T13:09:00.000-07:00

After staring at 12, 16, and 20 oz. cuts of beef all night, I decided to celebrate and treat myself to a night in a Laotian karaoke bar.

I still can never understand how I find myself in these unusual sitauations, or how I manage to get out of them for that matter. It always seems like I happen to be there when a tailpipe falls off, or when the lead singer of KISS washes off his makeup and goes straight. Perhaps thats where I get my sensibility from, that is Im always lookin' for a way out. And right now Im looking for a way out of the last 27 days.

Let me clear my throat and describe the chain of events through cliches.

Ahhhheemm

You cannot squeeze blood out of a turnip( or is it a rock, a rock wouldnt make as much sense because they are not red...wait...neither are turnips. Im thinking of beets. Crap. what about baloons? ...No, if you squeezed them they would just pop. Okay, howbout' a class ring, that sounds good.) You cannot squeeze blood out of a class ring. hmmm...

How bout no cliches and Ill just bullet point the good parts. Oshay? Oshay.

1. I spend 16 months bustin my hump for a bunch of ingrates.
2. Said ungrates treat my hump like crap.
3. I get fed up, and me and my hump make like a banana.
4. Afforementioned ingrates decide to talk to everyone about my hump.
5. No one wants anything to do with my hump.
6. I sit around and wait with my hump.
7. Finnally someone is interested in my hump.
8. I met him and he seems genuinely concerned about the well being of his hump and mine.
9. I spend 8 hours bustin my hump for said someone.
10. I have buddy that also busts his hump for said someone.
11. After we get done bustin our humps, we decided to take them out for some laotian beers.
12. Our humps really liked those.
13. His hump convinces mine that the afforementiond someones hump might be kind of crazy.
14. My hump is tired and worried, it needs some rest.
15. My hump wakes up the next day confused and scared about its hump future.

where I am

2004-09-07T11:02:00.000-07:00

Well I just got out of one abusive relationship and Im a little worried about getting into another. Like Bee said "You cant trust these freaks with your future.". Its a gamble with all of them, I mean the chef couldve passed a kidney stone that day while reading a post article with your first name in it...boom, your done. The manager might have had a little too much pad thai the night before, and decides to let one go in the office. Thats when you come in to ask if anything special needs to be done with table 42, and notice the room smells like peanuts, shrimp, and poop...boom your done.

And forget about getting a job, its like Adam Corralla said about radio "Whoever gets there first.". Your resume could include 5 years at a 2star michelin restaurant, Jean-George sous chef, assistant to Ruth Riechl and the chefs retarded little brother could nail the job before you do. It just doesnt matter how good you are, it just matters if things are cosmically lined up.

Dork of the Rings

2004-09-07T01:32:00.000-07:00

Ive finally done it.

testing

2004-09-07T01:26:00.000-07:00

testing